I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
