I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
