i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
