how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
