Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
