It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
