One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
