I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
