She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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