Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
