You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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