dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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