She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
