Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
