I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
