Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
