can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
