Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
