when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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