i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
