the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
