I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
