Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
