I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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