I only kidnapped one of them. chill
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
