I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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