peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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