I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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