I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
