I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
