I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
