"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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