Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The adults are the big ones right?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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