I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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