And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
