I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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