I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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