hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
