Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
