I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
