I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am naked and annoyed.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
