dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
