he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
