then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
