I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
