Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
