Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
