so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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