I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
