how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
