You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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