Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
