nut hugger
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
