Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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