He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
