if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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